300 (2006) **

Directed by Zack Snyder

300 is 7 parts testosterone, 2 parts history and, 1 part acting. Zack Snyder appears to me to be a nerdier and James Cameron, raised on comics instead of the great film epics. He's visual and highly stylized, but his films feel hollow. Everything is over calculated and precise...to a fault. This was my third time (kind of) watching this film and it was the first time I didn't hate it. Yes it's visually stunning and "epic" and has some great action sequences...but its self narration drags on and is really obnoxious. Whereas in The Matrix slow motion was made to heighten senses and bring things into a shocking perspective, every other moment in this Spartan tale occurs in slow motion, I think in order to make it feel more like the comic book is was made after. But I don't watch movies to read comics...that's what comics are for. I haven't read the graphic novel 300 but I've seen Snyder's take on The Watchmen and so I can figure out what's going on. He has a hard time adapting the script to film. It's almost purely an issue of translation.

The best parts are the one liners ripped from Herodotus and other contemporary Greek historians but the rest is a mere vehicle for slaughter. And beautifully flowing and choreographed slaughter it is. But I find no fulfillment in any of it. Or very little. Occasionally something would actually make me go "Wow that was cool," but mostly I was...bored. There is NO sense of pacing. At all. Just full out war from start to finish with some female nudity occasionally to mix things up. And then there are the freaks: The Fat guy with bone axes for hands and the armless concubines. It's pointless and just doesn't work in film. Especially a pseudo history.

One thing I do appreciate is the flow of the action sequences themselves. You can follow everything and see everything and that makes such a huge difference. I'd love to have Zack Snyder direct a Christopher Nolan movie. Maybe then I could have a good story with intelligible action sequences. But it would probably end up stale anyway...

A visual triumph dragged down by everything else.
I will end with what I think is the most succinct review of the film I have ever heard, courtesy of my cousin Dan.
"That would have been an excellent 20 minute silent film."